Ever been to The Cold Dish?
Preface
Ever been to The Cold Dish? is a piece of Player Created Fiction written by Herko Kerghans as one tale out of his series on Ships, Pods and Clones. Originally published in the EVE-online forums [1].
Ever been to The Cold Dish?
If you are still small time… you have never been to The Cold Dish.
When it comes to Most Exclusive Restaurant in EVE, the majority would mention the Immelian in Yulai, the Heir’s Hand in Radonis, or perhaps the Mercantile Club Lounge in Sershin. The owner of each can flag a VIP list of Presidents, Emperors and CEOs among the habitués to fortify the claim. But turn off the microphones and push the crowds away, and inside the circle of top gourmets and connoisseurs everybody agrees: ain’t no place like The Cold Dish.
Never heard of it? Perhaps the owner rings a bell: Dunken Aikkalen. The Dunken Aikkalen. Retired bounty hunter legend turned restaurant owner myth. A Civire through and through... sets up his joint at the Federation Navy Assembly Plant in Luminaire, with a prime view of Caldari Prime, and calls it The Cold Dish. A Civire, of course… who else can come up with such bad puns?
There is no arguing about the quality of his cuisine though, especially when it comes to old fashioned planetside styles. Dunken has resurrected hot stones roasting from almost forgotten technique to godlike art form. Obviously a man of many talents.
Nothing is typical at The Cold Dish. For starters, you don’t “go” to The Cold Dish. Dunken invites you. By paper mail. Biggest old school fan this side of the Imperial Academy, Dunken Aikkalen… One day a small black card arrives at your offices and it says in bright red print: “For your exclusive palate, our exclusive Dish”. Then the menu and the price.
The price… rumor is, small towns are fed for less. A lot less. And there is no bartering, neither plate nor price, although Isk is not always required: Dunken keeps his former trade’s connections well oiled, and all manners of payment are welcomed. Pilots arriving in HACs and going back in shuttles are not unheard of.
And he serves pod pilots, exclusively. The only way the subtler points of his art can be fully appreciated, Dunken says. Again… ain’t no bartering at The Cold Dish. Either Dunken’s way, or Yulai’s Highway.
The service includes everything it takes to make it a once in a clonetime experience: luxury accommodations in the station’s best suite, pleasure slaves, the best wines, liqueurs and cigars. Dunken himself will greet you on arrival and guide you to the only table, with the best view to Caldari Prime money can afford. Only one table here... they take “exclusive service” very seriously at The Cold Dish.
At your own choosing, Dunken will let you eat alone with whatever company you brought… but a meal without a story has only a fraction of the flavor. Dunken would be shadowed only by the Tale Master himself, and he never needs to be asked twice for a tale. He will tell you the about the hunting in all detail, from locating to fighting and from ammo to shields, and if you are one of his regular customers and a savvy pilot yourself he may even give you a few tips and pointers on ship setups for your next brawl. A most talented man indeed.
Again at your own choosing, Dunken will introduce you to the rest of his crew. It is always good manners to share some of the meal with the crewmember who laid the final blow and brought the Dish to your table, but this is entirely up to you of course. Everybody will understand if you prefer to enjoy the whole Dish all by yourself.
Who knows? If you ever manage to claw your way up the food chain and become a top shark, you may find yourself at The Cold Dish.
Either at… or on the table.