…in the last place you look
Preface
…in the last place you look is a piece of Player Created Fiction written by Herko Kerghans as one tale out of his series on Ships, Pods and Clones. Originally published in the EVE-online forums [1].
…in the last place you look
“All analyses correct… yep, welcome back, kid. You may find your new you a bit tight at first, but it will loosen up after some wearing.” The bad joke was part of the protocol by now. “Your hands are still shaking a little…”
“I’m ok Doc. As you just said. It’s just…”
Doc Kourailen dropped the report on his desk and listened.
“There’s… something out there, Doc. I’ve felt it before… but this time I could almost hear it.”
“What is ‘it’, kid?”
“Wish I knew Doc. Feels like there’s somebody out there watching me, through all the fight…It’s not the first time. Somehow it makes me feel so calm and relaxed that my perception… expands? No matter what they other guys do, I’m always one step ahead… they usually need 5 to 1 odds to bring me down…”
“But they do bring you down, kid. Heck, this is your 23rd you I’m talking to here. I mean please, be my guest, kids like you podding each other day in day out is what keep me in business, but why the hell don’t you warp away?”
“Because somebody is watching me, Doc. Every time I think of running away it feels like… like somebody is… disappointed. So I stay. Even if the rest of the gang safespots, even if they leave system, I stay. I stay, and fight, and kill…”
Crow hands shook a bit more.
“…and get killed… and today, right then, right when the pod went pop, I could almost hear it. From above. You don’t know how wrong that above thing feels, Doc. There is no above out there, that’s the first thing you learn about zero G. But this… voice… this voice came from above.”
“How do you know, kid? You couldn’t hear it…”
“I just know. It did. And I wanted to go there, I wanted to go there as I never wanted anything else in my lives… And then the usual pull, the light, the choking feeling, and your handsome face from the other side of the clone vat.”
Doc Kourailen glanced at the ceiling. “Lessee… You have to get yourself outnumbered five to one, and you gotta stay and fight, ‘cos somebody who’s watching may get disappointed if you run away… and there’s also this voice that you cannot hear, coming from above even though there is no above… did I got everything alright?”
Crow grinned.
“I dunno, kid… Your brain scan is good as ever, and you pod jockeys do talk a hell lotta crap after being recloned. But this voice from above, I dunno…”
---
Crow was shaking enough to make Doc Kourailen bypass protocol.
“This time you heard it, right?”
Crow nodded.
“From above again?”
Nod.
“What did it say, Crow? Crow… Crow! Look at me kid! What did it say?”
“It’s she. Female. She said ‘This one is worthy. We will take him.’ Coming from above. And then I was here.”
Doc Kourailen grabbed Crow by the shoulders. “Crow… listen to me son… You gotta take a break, ya hear? This body is as good as new, because it is new. But your mind is not. Most people find dying just once stressful enough, and you’ve already died a coupla dozens times yourself. You need some time off, kid. Whatever it is you are listening…”, Doc Kourailen tapped his forehead, “it’s in here.”
Crow shook his head.
“C’mon son... Talk to your CEO. He will understand. Hell, don’t you pod jockeys take vacations?”
Crow showed enough teeth to make the gesture look like a sad smile.
---
Crow hands were shaking so bad that the pen fell from his hands. He closed his eyes. Breath in… breath out… he willed his heartbeat to something closer to normal.
He signed.
Both men looked at the papers over the desk for a long, long time.
Doc Kourailen reached into his bottom drawer and pulled some hak’len and two glasses.
“Now don’t go spilling it over the desk, son. It’s the good stuff.”
Crow drank it in one shot. “Haak-kin k’len”, he coughed. Doc Kourailen poured him another.
“Don’t they revoke your doctor’s license if you drink at work, Doc? Or was it smoking?”
“Drinking. Drinking on duty gets you permabanned. Smoking only gets you suspended for six weeks.” Doc Kourailen pulled a pack of cigarettes and offered one to Crow. “Which technically means that drinking encourages smoking. After all, forever is almost as long as forever and six weeks…”
Crow stared at his glass.
Doc Kourailen blew some smoke upwards. “I sure as hell hope you know what you are doing, son… but then again, who does?”
---
Crow’s CEO stared at the papers but there was no mistake: that was Crow’s signature, all over all the correct dotted lines.
“He just… signed?”
Doc Kourailen nodded.
“Just like that? Not… not a transfer? Just plain… cancelled?”
“Yep.”
“So he is… j… j-just…”
“Dead? Since your crew recovered his 25th frozen self from the battle not two hours ago… yep, I guess he is.”
Crow’s CEO silently moved his lips.
“I don’t know…” said Doc Kourailen to both CEO and ceiling. “Guess he had to go looking for answers where his body couldn’t follow him…”