View source for Nightmare of a star god

[[Category:Player Created Fiction]]

=Preface=
''Nightmare of a star god'' is a piece of [[:Category:Player Created Fiction|Player Created Fiction]] written by [[Herko Kerghans (Character)|Herko Kerghans]] as one tale out of his series on Ships, Pods and Clones.  Originally published in the EVE-online forums [http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=164261].

=Nightmare of a star god=

''They die with us,''

''we don’t.''


Beautiful day. Deep blue and bright white. So bright… Eyes forget colors, up there. And not only eyes… skin white as the sand, and sun beats merciless. Like it that way, just hot sun and my skin. And hot sand… everybody is barefoot except me.

Nothing seems to have changed much. Same few roofs here and there, same distants rocks, same people enjoying the sea and the sun. My little piece of paradise, just as I left it when I went up.

I approach a group of boys and girls around my age, yet so much younger.... A few are still swimming, although most have gathered in a loose circle. They light a fire. Some of them dance… Tanned bodies, firm muscles, singing and laughing.

''“Heyya man! You a pilot, right? First time I see one… no offense!”''

I smile. “Yeah… Most of us stay up… but I’m still in love with good ol’gravity…”

Friendly laughter. ''“C’mon, come sit with us by the fire! Gonna get cold soon!”''

They make space, I sit among them. The girl to my right places a light hand on my shoulder, her hand so warm…

''“It’s ok… you are not a ghost… but you do need some serious tanning!!”''

We joke. We laugh. We sing. We talk. The girl’s name's Aikka. Deep dark eyes, thick dark hair flowing like a waterfall. Stars are up.

''”Tell us about the stars!!”''

With voice and gestures I build massive space stations for them, stargates, huge ships. I share the euphoria of warp drive, the nausea of gate jumping, the pure joy of flowing in zero G.

''“And all the time in this pod of yours?”''

Yes, all the time… in a pod, in a womb, in a wet grave. You feel through optic fiber, you have metal for limbs and chips for brain. Your senses crave the warmth… you can see the sun, a million suns, yet your skin is always trapped in fluid in plastic in steel.

You itch but you cannot scratch.

The Void all around you, the Cold for only company.

''“I’ve heard… I’ve heard it’s violent up there, isn’t it?”''

It is… yes it is. Massive fleet battles, ships bursting into flames, steel structures the size of a moon exploding so bright as to humble a small sun. I point them places I’ve been to… places I’ve fought in… Places I’ve died…

''“But you don’t… you can’t… die, right?”''

No, we don’t die. What is death to us, immortal man-machines? Our ship dies. Our crew dies. We don’t… eternal gods in bodies of steel, spewing fire through the galaxy.

Night is falling and the air is cold, too cold for me. I get closer to the fire. Aikka kneels behind me, her body barely touching my back, so warm... Her fingers brush the contour of my cyber jacks.

The faint touch is almost too much to bear.

''“But oh, my immortal god… a high price you have payed…”''

She kisses the back of my head.

Over the implants.

I know her soft lips touch the metal.
My every nerve craves the contact.
It burns my soul,
but metal doesn’t feel doesn’t feel
DOESN’T FEEL!!
it growls from my stomach
it crawls up my chest
it burns through my throat and I’m screaming I’m yelling I’m crying I'm trembling and she holds me tight as I vomit my pain and my rage

OOOHH GOOOD!!! OOOHHH GOOODDD!!!!

I can't see I can't think I can't will I shake and sob and cry and feel her holding me and feel the others gently grabbing my shoulders, putting their palms on my chest on my back on my head and hugging me they hug me they hug me tight...

They hold me tight as I try to take my shaking hands to the back of my head, to the cold numb spot I NEED TO TEAR IT AWAY!! away from me and my body and my skin and feel her warm lips and her kisses her kisses her kisses her kisses.....

They hold me tight until my body stops shaking
and my eyes are dry
and my throat is burning
and my arms are limp and relaxed by my side.


And she wispers in my ear:


''“Don’t worry, my god… you are still human”''